Don't lecture me

Sitting in an auditorium with a few people from high school. My ebay auctions are up on a big projection screen. Claire from Portfolio Center is talking about them.

Going my way?

I walk out of my hotel room and see an attractive girl in the hall. I walk towards her to check her out then get on the elevator. I realize I didn’t need to take the elevator and get off. But now I am on the wrong floor. There is a railing ahead of me with a view of the interior courtyard below. But instead of plants and skylights, it looks more like a church. I get back on the elevator and go back to my floor. Across from my room is some kind of club or bar with hot chicks either hanging out or working there.
I am carrying a cardboard box down a wide street or parking lot. Two women in a convertible pull up right behind me and slow down instead of just going around. So to teach them a lesson, I fall down and pretend that they ran over my foot. They don’t even stop, they just pull into a parking space at the front entrance of a building that looks like a shopping mall without stores. I’m pissed, so I go to my car to leave. I stick my hand into my pocket and realize I don’t have my keys. I’m also not carrying the box anymore. I walk over to my car to see if I left the keys inside and it isn’t parked where I left it. I look around and see the two women laughing. One of them says that they have the title to my car and the other is waving the envelope from my glove box that has my insurance and registration in it. I storm up to them and demand to know what they did to my car. One of the women is older and unattractive, but the other is in her late-thirties and looks pretty good. She says something about how she’ll tell me if I go home with her.

Fair but not good

On a road trip with Brooke. We stop at a rest area or small town. We walk in expecting a dump, but the place is gorgeous. It seems to be some kind of museum. We decide to visit, but the place is deserted. We call out and look around the lobby, but don’t find any info. Then I look around the corner and Terry from ThompsonMurray is sitting at a table playing cards alone. But he is in a wheelchair. I ask about admission and he makes a joke about paying a huge amount to him directly.

In my Blazer or some other old truck with Dave. I believe his sons and Mike Boros are also there. Everyone piles into the back of the truck and one of the guys asks twice to put some kind of divider or seat down. We’re on a dusty, dirt road and check in to a dive motel. Our room is big though. We go to a carnival in the parking lot across the street. There is a Ferris wheel and all the lights on the midway. We go into a cafeteria looking building to get something to eat. George Lamb pulls a bag of spaghetti out his bag or coat and dumps it onto a paper plate. Everyone else buys some fair food. Then I’m back in the hotel room taking a shit, except I am standing in the living room. Someone starts to come in, so I go into the bathroom. I drop my pants and discover that I have shit my pants. My boxers are covered. I start to scrap the shit off with a wad of toilet paper. It is full of red and yellow peppers and has the consistency of paste or chili. I don’t notice any smell. But there is no way I am going to be able to clean all the mess up.

Back up the party

In a grocery store or some kind of warehouse. Walking through back hallway, it has a very industrial feel. Someone with me rolls pass me on some kind of cart like a scooter or skateboard. The hallway turns to the left and goes into a long, steep decent like a ramp. They fly down the incline sitting on the cart. I follow down the ramp it leads to the entrance of a party where I am meeting Danny and Sharon. There are sparkling streamers hanging from a sign that says something about Mickey Mouse like Madame or Diva, the sign announces the theme of the party. It is some kind of rave. Sharon pulls up on a bright yellow motorcycle, she is wearing a matching yellow leather jumpsuit and yellow helmet. Danny is riding next to her on a weird silver bicycle. I see other people walking in wearing crazy and cool outfits. I am wearing cargo shorts or jeans and a plain colored t-shirt. So I go to a mall next door to buy a new shirt or outfit. I drive across the parking lot to the building next door. I try to park on the side of the mall near the alley that leads to where the party is. There are no parking spaces so I pull into the alley. I pull past a semi, then I’m not sure if I should leave my car there. I look back to turn around or back out and the semi has jack-knifed and blocked the entire alley. The cab of the truck is crushed up against the wall. The driver is standing next to it looking dumb-founded. Another driver walks up from the other side of the alley and tells the guy to just straighten up and back out.

Out of place

Sitting at the bar of a strip club. The bar is actually outside of the club on the sidewalk. Behind the bar is an open wall with a view of the rest of the club. Strippers are changing clothes on the bar stools next to me. One of the girls takes off a pair of pink panties and slides on another pair. It’s hotter catching a peak of them than watching the nude girls inside on stage. I get a hard-on which I feel rubbing against the inside of my pants and the barstool. I look up and see Kathy Copas at the other end of the bar. I’m a little embarrassed, then I see that she is with my Mom and Dad. Everybody is meeting there for a balloon race.

I’m on a huge sailboat, riding on the bow, hanging on to two ropes leading up to the spinnaker. The sail billows out behind me.

I’m standing in a bedroom and I’m a young teenager. The room is mine but doesn’t look like any of my old bedrooms. There is a desk lamp on top of the closet shining down into the dark room like a spotlight. I am doing some kind of performance in front of the closet, maybe a mirror. Mom walks past and I defend my act, asking if I enjoy if then what’s wrong?

Driving my old, red Blazer over a narrow, stone bridge. There is a stone wall on one side, no rail on the other. The bridge crosses a small stream or creek. I wonder if the bridge is smaller than it used to be. I drive across it, but barely make it with a tire hanging over the edge. Then I drive over the same bridge and the blazer slips off and flips down the rocks into the water of the stream. I get out, stand in the water and pick up the blazer. I carry it up the creek bed and flip it back over onto the road. The blazer is dented but seems ready to drive. Then I’m driving down a deserted road past a wheat field. I pass a car parked on the side of the road. It has weird metallic details added to the outside, like flashing lights and a giant metal palm tree sticking out of the back. As I pass, antennas coming off of the windshield wipers wave and blink lights at me.

I’m living in a huge empty room of my frat house. There is furniture, but no one else seems to be around. A few other guys are living in other big rooms on another floor.

The planter caper

Driving my car and there are several (about 5) tall planted plants in the middle of the road. Some almost look like small tree. I turn around to get them. But when I pull over, they have already been moved to the grass on the side of the road. I don’t remember if I moved them or somebody else did. So now I don’t know if I can take them or if they belong to the people in the house of the front yard they are now sitting in.

Mastermind

I murder a teacher. I put the bloody knife and my blue slinky bracelet into an envelope. I drop the envelope in the hall. I tell a girl about my crime, then go into a policeman’s office to turn myself in. I get there before the girl comes in to report me. The cop wants to go through my car and asks the girl if she’s seen it, but he shows her a large picture of a Toyota decked out in racing accessories. I’m surprised that they’re still letting me walk freely around the station. I start to think how I should have disposed of the evidence, but now I can’t go get the envelope.

Pants thief!

Brooke and I are walking in a field and a redneck in an old Chevy or Lincoln starts chasing us. We run into the woods to get away. Light from the headlights bounces off the trees. I don’t know if the guy gets out to follow us or not. We run into a metal shack to hide. But inside, a gang of black teenagers is about to beat one or two people. Although there are over 12 of them, I tell them to stop and talk them into handing me two or three hammers they were about to use to hit them. But then a woman in a car is at one side of the shack. Either the wall disappeared or the car is at a drive-thru type window. The woman is holding my blue sweater and asking where I got it and what it costs. She offers me seven cents for it. I sarcastically reply “why don’t you just give me a nickel for it?” The woman is the mom of one of the gang members and they are pissed that I disrespected the woman. The tension in the room flairs. I tell Brooke to run for my car while I hold them off. I reach into my pocket to hand her the car keys, but I am no longer wearing my pants. I think the woman is holding them also. I don’t know how I’m going to save Brooke. Then I remember that I have the hammers. I bang them on the wall and begin shouting. I think that if I act crazy it might scare them off. I yell, “Where are my pants!” louder and louder.

Interesting garb

At a party in some kind of apartment or dorm room. Sitting on a large stair-step platform against one wall. Brooke L. from Portfolio Center is telling me about some conspiracy against her among all out friends. She shows me old letters in a binder and sometimes mumbles. I have trouble following her but want to listen and help. I ask her what she wants. I can’t tell if she is trying to warn me or win me over to her side. Danny is sitting nearby and asks where Amber’s key is. I ask him if he is locked out of his place. He is annoyed by the whole scene. Newman from my frat walks onto the platform wearing African garb, a colorful cloth garment and a big, matching hat. I ask if he’s gotten even taller or if it’s jus the hat. Vanecko walks into the room and I dive over a round, school cafeteria style table to greet him.

Walking through cheap, tourist type souvenir stores. I am shopping for a gift for my cousin Danny. I buy two skeleton dolls at one store and keep wandering to other shops that all sell the same kind of crap. I later find the same skeletons in another store. They are in much better shape than one of the ones I have already bought and at this store there are much cheaper, almost 2 for 1. I want to return the first two, but I tore up and threw away the receipt and doubt I could find the store anyway.

Suit up

Walking down a sidewalk with Dad, he is wearing a tux. I am surprised that he is dressed so nicely. We are about to enter a house to go to a party. Dad is at the door, when I realize that my suit no longer matches. We decide that I can’t go in looking like that and Dad leads me to a locker room to change. The room is filled with guys in towels like were all about to hit the showers after a big game or workout at the gym. I don’t understand how my suit changed and I can’t find a new one to change into.

Worst trap ever

I pull into the entrance of a warehouse off an alley. The tall, metal garage door closes behind my car. I’m worried but somehow fall asleep sitting behind the wheel. I wake up as the entire car fills with Styrofoam peanuts.

What am I doing here?

In a strange house talking to grandpa. Then everyone leaves but I have to get my stuff before I can go. I walk into a back bedroom to grab my things and meet them out front. But a pile of clothes is scattered on the floor and I have to pack them into my black suitcase which is also on the floor. As I gather them up, I hear someone in the house. I don’t know who it is, but think that I have to get out without them knowing I’m here. I sit on the ground between the bed and the wall and put on my tennis shoes. I think that if anyone comes in, they won’t see me behind the bed. Then I realize that my stuff is still scattered around the floor. Before I can decide what to do, someone comes into the room and I hear a man yelling across the hall. A girl has entered with a laundry basket full of clothes. She sits on the other side of the room and begins to fold them. She looks upset, so I ask if she is ok. She says that her brother made her come in here. I get a sense that he has control over her all the time and that I could sleep with her if I comfort her.

Thristy ride

Clarkin and I ride bikes to a school cafeteria. We are late. We don’t have time to sit down and eat. We have to leave. Clarkin wants to cut through the school property to get where we are going faster, but I say that we should go around. We get our bikes from the hall and one or two other 10 speed racing bikes lean against the wall. I don’t recognize any of them, but know which ones are ours. I fill two water bottles from his bike with a plastic pitcher of water I got from the cafeteria. Then I notice that I don’t have a water bottle racks on my bike.

Wild life

In a neighborhood of lavish homes. Myself and another boy are trying to find something behind a row of houses. I don’t know what we are searching for or why it is so important. But we think it is behind those houses in a field or lake. But we can’t get back there because all the houses have fences or security. The boy walks into the house next door through a side door by the garage. No alarm sounds, so I follow him. The family is home, but they act like we belong there. Perhaps they believe we are friends of one of the kids. I search through the first floor of the house looking for the door to the basement. I run into the boy and we walk into a back bedroom. George Lamb is sitting on the bed and starts talking like he expected us. He tells us about this being his family’s new home and how happy they are with it despite having trouble finding a place. I get the impression that they had to sell their old house because of financial hardship. Then I realize that his room looks a bit squalid. But then I go look out a window at the back of the house, hoping to see a door I leave out of to get back there. But instead of seeing whatever lake or field we wanted to search, I see a complex of tennis courts and pools surrounded by woods. There are several tennis courts, a basketball court and maybe a tennis court. There are also a few small swimming or lap pools. I assume there are shared by several houses, but the property is the backyard of this house.
Several people swim in or stand by a wide stream or a small lake. With his bare hands, Mr. Funke catches a large bird floating on the water. He just grabs it as it starts to take off. The bird looks like a chicken but was swimming like a duck. Everyone is excited because now we can eat. I think of Rudy catching fish on the reality tv show survivor and how Mr. Funke is playing the same role. A girl takes the bird to prepare it and it almost flies out of her arms. I grab its foot and hang on as it flaps and tries to take off. I say that we need to skin it. It is then that we realize that no one knows how to pluck and prepare the bird. The girl yells for me to follow her and runs off. As I start to follow her, the bird tries to fly again and I yank of its foot to hang on and feel its leg break. The girl runs up to a restaurant on the other side of a distant field. A man in white meets her at the back door. She wants the chef to prepare the bird. He seems upset that we have caught one of the wild animals. I wonder is he cares about the wildlife or is just upset that we aren’t buying our meals at his place. I stand behind the girl while he lectures us. I look at the bird when I don’t feel it moving and realize that it now looks more like a rubber chicken than a real, live bird. I ask the chef if he will at least teach us how to prepare the bird and he refuses. We decide to let the bird go, but we can’t realize it into the wild due to its broken leg. The girl decides to nurse it back to health. I watch her carry the bird cradled gently in her arms up a flight of stairs to her room. Much to her father’s dismay, she has decided to keep it as a pet.

That's ruff

A doctor is trying to find the source of several bruises on the torso of a boy. Turns out that he was hit with a baseball bat as part of a pledge initiation. Another kid is accused of killing a dog. The dog jumped over a ravine to catch a Frisbee and falls into the ditch on some rocks and bleeds to death. But the kid didn’t even throw the Frisbee, he was just playing with the dog beforehand.

Strangers

Sitting on a stool type chair in a store in a mall. A woman starts rubbing my shoulders. She continues very suggestively until she reaches a hand to my chin and turns my face back towards her. She kisses me and although I don’t know who she is, I kiss back. I turn around to see her and notice Brooke walking in from the other side of the store. I walk over to say hello to Brooke and see the woman for the first time because she is standing next to me. The woman is short, pregnant and wearing an old t-shirt with a 70s style glitter iron-on stretched tight over her belly. Even though I don’t know her, I believe she is an ex-girlfriend and I wonder if she is going to try to pass the child off as mine. Brooke doesn’t seem to have seen the kiss. I introduce her to the woman as an ex-girlfriend even though I don’t know her name.

Walking through a school, looking for a classroom, I talk to a boy.

Super Sleuth

Reading an email thread on my fernt.com account. One of the guys tells about a girl that is pregnant. His email says something about her age being 20 and counting back from the due date, she first got pregnant at the age of 12. Brooke replies that she doesn’t get it. And the math doesn’t make sense to me either. Fred replies, “just follow the clues” and spells it out. But then I scroll down and a cartoon squirrel in a fedora and trench coat appears on screen. It is the Squirrel P.I. on the case. Underneath him is a sentence that lists out a clue like a mathematical formula. Each clue mentions some kind of weird machine or device that the detective squirrel uses to break the clue. There are several of these Cartoon/Clues in a row and after reading each one, the squirrel takes the device or book mentioned and puts them in a pocket of his coat or into a satchel.

Someone else's memories

At Grandma and Grandpa’s but it doesn’t really look like their house. I’m looking at a bunch of old photos or flyers. One of Aunt Linda sticking her tongue out. Above her are printed the words “IM MARRY” in big bold type. I wonder why she never married and if she would be more attractive without her tongue sticking out. Next I look at a flyer or news photo of mom in a cool basement. The picture was taken from the top of the stairs. There is cool mod furniture on a black and white tiled floor with a shag throw rug with large circles of bold colors like red. Mom is singing or playing guitar and the caption below the photo describes her band. Then I see my name. I check the photo and see a young me behind the drum set or keyboards. My head is barely sticking out above the instrument. My hair is straight and hanging over my eyes. I assume Stacy is the other toddler behind the instrument on the other side of Mom.

Dead or alive

2 huge pieces of meat – both the size of unfolded roadmaps are hanging on a wall. Each as a single large bolt through the center. They are hung one over the other at a diagonal angle. Next to them is a poster advertising some kind of show (film or awards maybe).

Driving with Dad in a silver car, mine maybe. He’s behind the wheel. We’re on a winding highway. I see an aerial view of the road; it has several straight sections connected by curvy areas. We come to a 4-way merge. 4 lanes from 4 directions cross each other at a diamond angle. There are no lights or signs to direct traffic. I yell for Dad to slow down and wait for an oncoming car. He does, then zooms through. We make it. Then we’re on a back road and pass a zoo. A crowd of people stream past us along the side of the road. Can’t tell if they are going in or leaving because I don’t know where the entrance is. We stop a little further on at a train crossing. There is an old locomotive pulling open air passenger cars that are full of people like it’s a ride around the zoo.

Numbers and letters

Walking down a street of old shops. I’m supposed to meet someone, Dave maybe. I go into an antique shop. It is a large space, like the size of a furniture showroom. Half of the space is covered in tarps like they’re remodeling. There are wrought iron chair in a row and other chairs with decorative floral patterns. I enter a section with a sign hanging above that says “Letters” and I look through all kinds of random typesetter letters and numbers and old address numbers and letters of different sizes from old signs. I go through them looking for 5s.

Pointless and futile

Staying in a hotel, my room is closer to ground level, maybe the 4th story of a tall building. My room has a view of the Empire State Building, but it is in the wrong city. It feels like the location of the St. Louis Arch (there is a church in the foreground) But instead of grass and the Mississippi River, there are warehouses and parking garages. I leave my hotel room and walk back and forth on a parking deck trying to find a good angle to take a picture of the Empire State Building. But the view is blocked by a large vertical neon sign of a business on a warehouse. Dave suggests an angle from the other end of the lot. Then we head to the beach to party with the Spring Breakers. A long wooden dock connects us to the sand where the girls in bikinis are.

Waiting for a city bus. I set my stuff down on the sidewalk and pick up the handle of some roller thing that looks like an old push lawnmower but with a solid cylinder instead of blades. It is a one-man, push manually powdered stream roller. I give it a shove and let it roll away from me on the street along the curb. There is random stuff in the gutter that looks like it was placed there on purpose. Maybe set down by other people waiting for the bus. The roller flattens the toes of a pair of women’s black dress shoes that look like a pair of Birkenstock clogs afterwards. The roller verves off course slightly just before rolling into a small pile of stuff. A guy on the sidewalk was watching the roller and is disappointed when it doesn’t flatten the pile. So I roll it back to the starting point and push it harder. It swerves wildly on a curve into the street and into the path of an oncoming bus. I dart out, grab the handle and pull the roller past just as the bus swooshes by. The bus pulls up to the curb right in front of my stuff. I see a cute girl waiting to board the bus. I run back across the street to catch it, but only make it along side as the bus pulls away. As it drives off, I smack the side of the bus once with my palm and yell. I turn to pick up my stuff and it is not there. I look up from the curb and the girl is standing there holding my stuff in her crossed arms. She hands it to me, it is mainly a few books including a bright orange one. I enthusiastically thank her and starts to walk off, leaving me stand there. But she gets in line at a storefront stand next to me to get a drink. I think if I should ask her to get a cup of coffee, but she already has the drink. I debate asking her out for a bite to eat. I wonder if she was trying to pick me up or encourage me to pick her up.

Let's go to the ball

Driving up to a big, cheap motel in the mountains. Meet BP and Mel when I get out of the car. We walk up a cement stairway towards their room. But instead of going there, we cross a wide, grassy courtyard. There are artists selling their work and musicians playing. We pass two women, one playing a homemade guitar made from small wooden planks. The other is playing some kind of stand up bass that doesn’t have a body. They sing as they play and it is a beautiful sounding country song. We walk inside and see a store with carved tribal instruments. There is a face above the strings. A guy strums one and starts singing the same song as the women. I can’t tell if he is inspired by them or making fun of them, but the song has lost it’s magic for me. Further inside we pass a ballroom full of slot machines and blackjack tables. It looks likes it’s set up for a convention. Someone says the name of the room we are looking for and I see a sign ahead hanging from the ceiling. It is a small arrow that has the name of our ballroom on it in gold letters.

Barrage

A guy with no shirt on is standing on a platform in what feels like a warehouse with an indoor swimming pool. He has my fraternity Greek letters tattooed across his chest and a giant rose on his stomach. He is giving a speech or just yelling. There are a few other guys with rose tattoos standing around. The guy talks about something like the order of roses like it’s a secret group and them mentions something about a rose movie that makes whoever watches it want to have sex.

A tall machine that consists of three legs with a large chair on top like a tripod. It breaks during a test run and one leg collapses. A scientist in a white lab coat explains how he will improve the next model, perhaps with extendable and retractable legs.

Walking through a resort area, I admire the architecture of a large hotel with hundreds of rooms designed to look like a mountain chalet. A woman on a large tire bike pedals past on a black top path and speaks to man outside a café about going down to the dock.
I am standing in the cul-de-sac of the house I grew up in Louisville. A car pulls up across the street and a redhead from work gets out. I greet her, put my arm around her waist and walk her towards the front lawn, where I introduce her to Brooke. There is a barbeque going on in the back yard. It starts to rain and Stacy and I clean up the house before the guests come in. I pick up folded laundry in the living room to put it away.

I drive past a series of strip malls in an unknown city. I pass one that has the offices of two advertising agencies. I recognize them, even though one is being remodeled and plywood covers the stone arch at its entrance.

Don't burn, baby, don't burn.

A line of guys on ATV drives down a grassy hill and into a stream. It looks like they’re preppy kids in a suburb. Then one of them stands up while driving and throws something into the backyard of a large home. The house blows up. Suddenly I am standing in the foyer of a sorority house and the back of the house is on fire. I step onto the porch and see several other fraternity and sorority houses up and down the street are also burning. Flames leap from the windows. I am paralyzed with fear. I know I should go report the guys or more important run and knock on doors warning people about the fire. But I am stuck in place. I don’t want to leave Brooke behind.

Run for your lives!

The guys on Team Godzilla from work are following me through a city or campus. We are trying to get somewhere. We go through a stairway that ends at a door we can’t go through. So we climb a fire escape next to the door. It leads into a dorm floor. I ask a guy for directions to the exit and he points to a door. There is a lighted exit sign hanging form the ceiling but it has no arrows and is just in front of a blank wall. We go through the door and enter a girl’s dorm room. It is large and two-tiered. A girl inside isn’t surprised that we just walked in, the whole floor seems to have an open door policy. I talk to the girl, eventually asking her how to get out. I pick up a pair of socks that I think are mine. She leads us to the patio of a room down the hall. There is a door on the patio that opens on a narrow stairway. As we leave, I realize that the socks I’m holding are striped with light and dark brown bands but my socks have black and gray bands. I don’t know what to do with the socks. I should take them back, but I don’t to be embarrassed giving them to the cute girl. I don’t know is she knows that I took them. But how can she not? I was holding them in plain view as she gave directions off the floor.
A team of black suited security men grabs my igloo cooler out of my hands and throw it onto a well-manicured grassy field that looks like a driving range. After it hits the ground, another security guard kicks it further away. They think it contains explosives and is about to go off. I protest, but I have been framed.