Slumber Stories

Two bits

2009-08-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting in a barber’s chair on the sidewalk of a busy city street. Swarms of people stream past at an intersection. An older Hispanic woman starts cutting my hair. She’s talking the whole time, but I don’t pay attention to what she is saying. Then she draws on my perfectly white sneaker with a red marker. She draws a crude rocket ship on the top of the foot and two squiggly lines down the sides. Before I think to say anything, Mom and Dad walk up and ask if my hair should be shorter. Then Mom asks her to trim my eyebrows.

Wanderer

2009-08-19T09:46:00.000-07:00

On a suburban street, I follow two teenage girls through the front door of a house. We talk for a minute or two, then one of them asks me leave. I walk out the down and down the sidewalk to the house next door. I walk in and wander down a hallway. It leads into the same house I just left. Knowing I’m not supposed to be there, I walk back down the front door of the first house. Right as I’m stepping on the porch steps, the dad of one of the girls comes up the steps. I say to him, “The girls are inside” and he gets really upset. I keep walking down to the sidewalk. The dad follows me, but instead of yelling at me for being in his house, he talks to a neighbor on the sidewalk. He wails something like, “how could they do this to me?”

Cops on the beat

2009-08-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

Two city detectives are talking about a case involving a human heart stolen for transplant. They are asking if any of the donor recipients on a list show elevated levels of testosterone.

In the wild

2009-08-04T10:48:00.000-07:00

I live in an Alaskan village.

Modern warfare and our founding fathers

2009-08-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting on the wheel well of a huge military transport vehicle. I have an assault rifle slung across my lap and can feel the tire vibrate below me. We patrol a base, riding past several giant helicopters and planes with massive gun turrets. A gun battle breaks out but I can’t see the enemy shooting at us. I run into a brownstone style house that has been converted into military offices. The firefight intensifies inside with bullets flying down hallways and a winding staircase. Someone yells to get them out. And I push Benjamin Franklin and George Washington down the hall to safety.

I'll never ride Star Tours again

2009-07-31T10:49:00.000-07:00

Walking along a lake in Disney World after a show. I wander backstage and into a warehouse. Inside, I see row upon row of animatronic storm troopers lined up like a military battalion. They are missing their helmets. And seeing gears and wires where faces should be makes them look evil and menacing.

Break apart

2009-07-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

A museum is supposed to destroy an artist’s work after his death. The pieces are wooden igloos shaped like wavy jellybeans sitting on the museum’s lush green lawn. Instead of honoring their word, the museum puts them up for sale.

My Dad is helping Aunt Linda move and asks for my help with her bed. We step into an empty second floor bedroom and the bed is already disassembled on the floor. There are words beautifully hand painted on the wood in 60s style lettering.

A housewife is smoking from a one hitter in her front lawn. I’m sitting on the grass between the house and where she is standing. I ask her for a hit. She hands it to me; I inhale deeply and then walk off through the subdivision.

More than meets the eye

2009-07-06T10:14:00.000-07:00

Elton John is selling Polaroids two for a dollar. He sits at a folding card table set up on a city sidewalk and keeps holding up a Polaroid of a black and white dog – in the background of the photo is a kid sitting on a tricycle with only the wheels and boy’s feet in the frame of the shot. Several construction workers watch Elton John as he calls out to people passing by what a great deal he is offering. He seems genuinely excited about taking people’s pictures for such a low price, but no one is interested.

Holding a beer can in my hand, reading the label. It has a German name printed above an eagle logo done in an art deco design. Below the logo, it says “Bad can of beer - bitter beer.” I think that the can isn’t ugly at all, but that it should read, “The bad can full of bitter beer.”

Walking through a school, I realize that I’m not wearing any deodorant. A stick materializes in my hand. I pull up my shirt to put it on, but the green deodorant in the plastic case crumbles off in big chunks. Todd comes up, he wants to hang out or spend the night at my place. I joke with him in front of a few other guys. Then Todd sticks a flash drive into a computer and hurriedly downloads something. Todd’s file opens and a video begins. It plays on a screen sitting on a school table. The screen is big and looks too nice for a school. The video is cartoon of two boys at a dumpster. They find a giant laser gun and point the barrel out of the dumpster into the sky. But when they fire it, a porn DVD pops out of both sides of the base of the barrel. They scream “Porn Gun, Porn Gun” while pulling the trigger again and again. The gun starts to grow larger and twist at odd angles until it comes to life like a transformer.

All in

2009-06-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

There is a poker table set up on a grassy hilltop in a large park. I am playing with a group of guys I know. We are using chips with real money on the line. An old woman comes up to talk to me. She palms a few of my chips and walks off. I get up and chase after her. I catch up to her a few steps away and gently tell her that I need those back. I take her hand and open her closed fist. She is holding five or six blue, plastic poker chips. I take them back but leave her one or two of them. I feel bad for her and realize that she is my grandmother (my Dad’s Mom, who passed away when I was in college.) I walk with her through the park.
A man joins us as we walk. It is the actor Andy Griffith. He looks old, but a bit younger than he did on Matlock. I ask him about my Grandma, how she is doing day to day. It seems they are dating. As we walk her home, I tell him that she is having a bit of dementia. We reach the sidewalk in front of a suburban ranch house. I don’t recognize it, but it is where she is living.

Bunker down

2009-06-25T09:36:00.001-07:00

Hiding underground in a post-apocalyptic world, I look up at a manhole cover or grate. I’m ducking inside a manmade cave with rough walls of dry, light brown dirt. I use the barrel of a gun to poke up the grate just a crack. The gun I hold is some kind of rifle and machine gun hybrid. Through the crack of sunlight above, I see the barrels of several other guns and the side of a black boot.
A little robot on three wheels rolls up behind me. I assume it has a mounted camera, even though I don’t see it. At first, I pick it up like a remote control car, but then smash it with the butt of my gun.

Someone has left the keys in the ignition of a nascar racecar. I climb in and give a girl a ride to her house. We park at the top of her steep driveway, then the car slide forward down the lawn through several flowers. I try to steer back onto the driveway, but the engine is not running. I get out of the car and step into the middle of the cul-de-sac. A mob of real estate agents in black suits fill the street. Some have clipboards and all are shouting out offers on the house. My parents walk out of a house on the other side of the cul-de-sac and announce that they are putting their house up for sale also. The entire group of agents swarms towards them.

Riding a ten speed bike down a black top country road. I’m holding an open umbrella above my head and as a car in the other lane comes towards me, the umbrella flies out of my hand. I start to pull over onto the side of the road to pick it up, but see behind me that the umbrella has snapped off of its pole. The umbrella sits in the middle of the road like a small, black tent as the handle bounces across the asphalt. I pedal hard to keep riding since it is not raining.
I ride onto a dirt road in a park or field shaded by large trees. I take the handlebars off the bike to fix something. A teenage kid comes up and starts giving me advice on how to fix them. I am the same age as him and we are friends, even though I don’t recognize him. He starts banging on the post that the handlebars attach to with a pair of vice grips. He is denting the metal pipe and I know it won’t fix anything, but feel powerless to stop him. I say something, but he replies that before they could only go on one way. It’s as if the handlebars used to fit into a groove on the stem and he is trying to make it fit on any direction.

The same kid and I are in a carpeted basement listening to music. He holds up a CD made of cardboard. The word “panthers” is written on it in black marker. I’m trying to tell him that a band is good because a guy named Paul recommended them and said that millions of people like their song, so don't you think you might be wrong? The kid still thinks that they suck.

Searching

2009-06-21T10:12:00.001-07:00

Leaning over the edge of a cliff or rooftop trying to watch where my golf shot is going. Almost straight below is a swampy area, and then the ground gets solid further away. I see my orange golf ball bounce right at the edge of the water and land on the back of a crocodile. It rolls down his body towards his tail and then back up till it comes to rest next to his eye. Suddenly, a blue golf ball lands in the muck near it. I assume it was hit by someone I am with and that we are in a contest to see who can get their ball closest to the hole.

Sleeping on the top bunk of bunk beds and a woman that looks like Julie crawls in with me to fool around.

I see Bob walking through Disney World and run to catch up to him. He’s surprised that I’m wearing slacks and a long sleeve, button down shirt.

My guys from Jersey are staying in a hotel to go to a college football game. We’ve already been to one game the day before and are getting ready for another. I can’t find my phone anywhere. Paul and Fred are talking about making dinner reservations and realize that by the time we get a table anywhere for 20 people, we’ll miss the game.

Flying carpet

2009-06-20T11:59:00.000-07:00

A rug shop is having a Going Out Of Business Sale. It’s a shabby basement store with welcome mats and kitchen rugs leaning against white metal shelves. I see a hot air balloon rug and wonder if Mom and Dad already have it. But before I can take a closer look, two women beat me to it. I see another one just like it two piles over. I pull it out and lay it on the floor to take a picture to send them. But instead of using my phone an emailing the pic right away, I try to take it with a digital camera. But I can barely see anything on the screen. So I try holding the camera up to my eye, but can’t see through the lens. I decide to just hold the camera out and guess to line up the shot. As I am angling the camera, an old woman comes up and starts vacuuming the rug with a small vacuum cleaner. I say, “Excuse me, I’m trying to take a picture of that.” And she says OK, but keeps on vacuuming. The suction is pulling up bunches of long fibers from the rug and ruining the pattern. When she is done, she puts the rug away despite my protests. And then I can’t find it again.

Rock on

2009-06-11T12:14:00.000-07:00

On stage in a nightclub playing with The Beatles. But Dave is on drums, so it must just be Lennon and McCartney playing with us. They are both younger versions of themselves. Suddenly John storms off the stage. The others stop playing and after a pause follow him. I lean into the mike stand and apologize to the audience. I think John is upset that Dave’s playing was bad. I go backstage and find them in a big room with autographed band pictures on the wall. There are beat up tables, chairs and a couch at one end and an empty bar at the other. The guys are leaning against it looking dejected. John still looks upset and says to me, “It really hurt my feelings when you criticized my fashion before the show.”

Dave and I are at a Jimmy Buffett concert, hanging out with a group of senior citizens. Someone is taking pictures of us. When I turn around to find Dave, he sitting on top of a picnic table with the waist of his khaki pants pulled up past his navel.

More reward points

2009-06-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

I walk into a kitchen I don’t recognize and on the counter I see a wide bowl full of plastic bottle caps from cokes and other containers. On the kitchen island, there is a wicker bowl also full of plastic bottle caps and lids. Brooke’s aunt has saved them for me.

Displacement

2009-06-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

My Jersey buddies make plans to play poker the next day. We’re staying in a hotel and before the sun is completely up, Paul busts into my room to wake me up. I’m in bed with Brooke and try to get oriented to the lack of light as Paul tells me to get moving. She doesn’t wake up and I’m even more confused because the guys aren’t going to play cards, they’re ready to leave for someplace else.

I’m moving to a new desk in a strange office and it is covered in a mess of old papers and cables. A small boom box on a pile of binders is playing bad music. I sit down and see another radio sitting on the shelf above the desk. I try to turn off the boom box right as Clarkin sits down at the desk next to me. We start to talk, but Sue, the HR person at my job comes up and says to Clarkin, “what are you doing here?” and then to me, “he doesn’t even work here!”
Next, I’m walking into a dull apartment. Clarkin and I have just moved into it for the new job. I realize that I don’t even know what city it is in and wonder why I even took a job away from Brooke and wonder how she is. My thoughts stop when I see a black metal shelf next to the front door. It holds bottles of laundry detergent and other random household stuff. Most of the rest of the apartment is bare and I think that we have to decorate better because we don’t live in a frat anymore.

Shopping is a pain

2009-06-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

In a funky neighborhood in NYC or a foreign city, I walk into a t-shirt shop looking for a cool, graphic tee. All of the racks and walls are full of rugbys and polos in preppy patterns. A black guy about my age comes out from the back and pulls a few shirts out to show me. I tell him I could buy something like that back in Ohio.

Walking through a country fair with row upon row of booths selling local crafts. I enter a booth that is larger than the rest where they are selling ice cream out of big metal troughs like the newer ones that hold water for cattle and horses on farms.
An attractive girl catches my eye as I decide what to order. When I step up to the counter, I accidentally bump into her. Her boyfriend starts yelling at me. I ignore him, until he says, “you people always wait to pay.” I suddenly get upset, turn to him and tell him how uncalled for that was and that he didn’t have to go there. He looks confused, so I say, “oh come on, like you didn’t know I’m Jewish.”

Blame the drummer

2009-06-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

A British manager talking to his band about improving the act.

I don't know where you live

2009-05-31T09:17:00.000-07:00

Flirting with a girl in a bar. I think she wants me to take her home.

What am I searching for?

2009-05-30T08:14:00.000-07:00

Running along a country road, there are house every so often set far back from the road. A guy jogging comes up from behind me. He says something as he approaches. But instead of passing, he matches my pace beside me and keeps talking. And talking and talking. I speed up a bit, but he matches my pace. I run faster and pull ahead. I can still hear him babbling behind me, so I keep going faster until I’m running faster than possible. It’s like I’m flying on the ground, then I’m running on all fours like a leopard.
I slow down when I come up to the outskirts of a town. I walk behind a convenient store and steal a 10 speed bike that leaning against the railing of the ramp leading up to the back door between the dumpster and the loading dock.

I’m working at Disney World, but instead of one of the parks, I’m in a huge warehouse. I walk past rows of dusty bicycles leaning against one another. And start to sort through a pile of stacked golf bags. They’re the same style my Dad and Grandfather had in the late seventies and early eighties. I don’t see anything that interests me, so I walk on coming up to rows and rows of old pool tables jammed up against each other. I see old billiard balls covered in dust on a few tables and consider sticking a few in my pockets. But I walk on without grabbing any. I pass more pool tables and they start getting less old. I see lights ahead, which turn out to be glowing neon beer signs as I get closer. The pool tables are newer and spread out more. I’m now walking through a pool hall that seems to be located in the far end of the warehouse. A group of friends calls out to me from a corner table. They’re drinking beer and as I walk over, a tall black guy I don’t recognize greets me like an old friend. He knows me, but I can’t place him.

At a hotel with a group of friend about to go out. It is a mix of girls and guys we know. As we leave the casino, one of the girls starts flirting with me at the end of the night. She wants to make plans to meet, but I’m staying at a different place the next night.

Sarandon swims

2009-05-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

I see Susan Sarandon walking through a beach resort and decide to go reintroduce myself. As I approach her, I see that she is talking on her cell phone. I walk along the same brick path she is on, but feel self-conscious following her. So I pretend to talk to on my iPhone and walk past her. When I sense that she is no longer on the phone, I slow down to let her pass. As she walks next me, I wrap up my imaginary phone conversation. But before I can say anything to her, she runs ahead onto the beach. She runs into the surf and just before she dives into the water, she turns and says, “Brian, Brian” as if mock-scolding me. I chase after her and dive into the water. As soon as my body goes under, I realize that I am still wearing a robe and that it was foolish of me to dive in after her. But I am surprised and pleased that she remembered me. Next thing I know, she is rubbing my feet.

Pardon me

2009-05-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

Ray opens the door to the bathroom while I'm sitting on the toilet.

Don't count your chickens

2009-05-06T10:47:00.000-07:00

I’m putting groceries away in the fridge, but Brooke has bought several cartons of eggs. I try to stack the cartons but they are all different shapes. One has three rows of eggs across and several rows deep. One is only two across but about 16 deep. Fitting them into the fridge is like doing a puzzle.

Slides

2009-05-05T09:29:00.000-07:00

I’m walk into a crowded movie theatre as a movie is playing. Robin Williams is on screen in what seems to be a serious story set in a foreign country. There are two screens one on each of two walls that meet at a 90-degree angle. There are rows of seats facing each screen. The screen to the side is smaller. I sit down in an empty aisle a few rows from that screen. A man is sitting near me and starts talking to me nonstop. I try to ignore him, then get up and move to the front row of the other screen. I try to find a seat and see Craig Humphrey and perhaps a few other people from high school sitting in the aisle. Tim Funke is a few seats down and waves at me. They start sliding back and forth across the row as if on a conveyor belt that keeps changing direction. The result is that I cannot sit in the constantly filled empty seat I intended to.

Then I am walking down a city street and see a party going on in a loft. It is some kind of dorm building and the party is packed elbow to elbow with people having an amazing time.

Then I am looking into another building. It is a giant window of what looks like a gleaming modern storefront. But it is labeled as The Portfolio Center. The walls to each side are covered in student ads from top to bottom. The wall facing the window has huge posters of student ads hanging from small chains from the ceiling or hung on the wall by glass held in place by large steel screws. The work is amazingly good and one of the pieces is a tequila ad and is labeled with Karl Backus’ name. There is an old pick-up truck (like an old ford with rounded wheel wells.) on display on the floor right in front of the window. It is painted bright crazy colors like an art exhibit or maybe it is an ad. The sidewalk starts sliding and feels like a moving walkway at the airport. But it quickly changes direction and starts swinging back and forth in a long fluid glide. I look down and realize that it is actually the building that is sliding back and forth in front of me like a giant amusement park funhouse.

Run, McKenzie, run

2009-04-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

I am racing Jeff down a street. He runs on the sidewalk across the street from me. I jump into the road and run down the center yellow line. Cars whiz past but I don’t notice or fear them. I am taking giant, super-human strides, it feels like I am flying I am running so swift and light. But Jeff is always right there even with me. The road is now deserted of traffic and runs downhill and winds around. The road narrows and runs through a small town. It reminds me of Old Shelbyville Road in Louisville. I realize I don’t know where we are racing to and look around trying to recognize something. We approach a subdivision and pass a row of houses. I see Jeff slightly ahead turning into the subdivision. I cut through a field before the turn and catch up to Jeff as we run down a hill in the field around a house. I wonder if we are racing to the house on the hill over the river.

We all move on some day

2009-01-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

I am hiding in a strange house. I crouch down and peek out a front window to watch a few people (a family?) get into a car in the driveway. I am waiting for them to leave. I turn around and Grandma is standing in the round. I try talking to her and cry because I am so happy to see her. Then I notice she is talking with a slight New York accent. So it sounds like she is yelling at Grandpa. She is telling him what to do as she is holding a blouse on a plastic hanger. We are planning to take everything out of the house.

Leader of the pack

2008-10-29T12:22:00.000-07:00

A pride of lion people roam in a suburb without houses. They walk upright and do not have fur or manes, but live in the wild. I am trying to join the group and am supposed to kill something but refuse. A man throws a rock at me, he seems to be a leader. I think he is challenging me to a fight, but he starts yelling at a another guy. The leader runs into a lake waist deep and begins hurling stones at the shore.

Adventure

2008-08-03T14:03:00.000-07:00

Stacy and I are among a group that enters a bar. There is supposed to be a comedy troop on stage, but only one guy comes out and starts singing an intro number.
In a run down house with the same group. Ghosts appear as floating hats. If you put on one of these hats you become the ghost. One guy doesn’t believe, but then a hat lands on top of the hat he is wearing and his reflection in a mirror appears as a skeleton. To stop the ghosts, you have to put your hat on over top of their’s.

Diving for treasure, sunlight has to hit a boulder-sized rock on the bottom to break the spell and reveal the treasure (or the rock turns into the treasure?) I consider raising the rock up or placing a series of mirrors underwater to reflect the sunlight down to it.

Soggy fries

2008-07-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

I walk through the front entryway of a hotel to the pool inside. Inside there is a clown standing in the water. He looks like a dishevled Ronald McDonald. His red hair is longer and frizzier and his clothes are looser and rumbled. The clown is complaining about the guys in the kitchen, who I can see through the open counter set into the far wall. He is saying something about how they better not mess up his order. I hear someone respond to him and look over to see the real Ronald McDonald standing at the edge of the pool talking to him.

Maybe Baby Mama Drama

2008-07-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

Woman cutting up everything in her apartment with scissors. Across town, a woman gives birth but won't hand the baby to the nurse to cut the cord. Her parents try to talk to her but don't accept that she is gay, she wants her girlfriend to cut the cord. She stands up on the bed pleading her case. But when she gets down to leave, she passes out and they take the baby.

Abandoned office supplies

2008-06-14T16:54:00.000-07:00

I throw a stapler and another small box onto the roof of an old house. They slide down and the box falls into a cardboard box below as the yard slowed floods. The stapler lands in the gutter.

Drafted

2008-06-12T23:33:00.000-07:00

Riding bus through a military base, a colonel waves as we pass. Out the window I see helicopters with the front removed.

Set up by gangsters

2008-06-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

Danny Devito is a mobster and accuses me of crossing him. Rizzo tries to give me cash but
I leave. I walk out of the bar to my car parked out back by the dumpster. My car door is open. A bunch of high school kids run up saying that a girl was raped in my front seat. There are muddy footprints. They put the car in nuetral and start pushing it out of the parking space. They put a girl in the front seat and demand that I take to her to the hospital. And I know I'm being framed.

Anything for a buck

2008-04-02T14:36:00.000-07:00

A middle age, attractive woman is sitting in a richly decorated drawing room. It seems as though she is sitting on the set of television studio. She talks about the antique teacup she is drinking out of and then the rest of the set, calling the pieces by the name of the brand or designer. She is a former porn star doing a financial advice tv show.

The body and the blood

2008-01-09T08:56:00.000-08:00

In a dark cathedral at night lit by candles. A statue of Christ in an alcove is bleeding wine from its forehead and hands. A group of young women and myself take turns holding goblets up to catch and drink the wine.

Cast off

2008-01-04T09:28:00.000-08:00

Walking through a deserted restaurant with another guy. Next to the building, we board a sailboat and start putting trinkets from the interior in our pockets. As I eye a golf club leaning against the wall near a bunch of rolled up maps, the guy I’m with indicates that people are coming. We hop off the boat and back into the restaurant hoping that they didn’t see us onboard. A group of men and women enter and I try to talk our way out of the place.

Burgess Meredith

2007-06-13T19:16:00.000-07:00

I pull my car into a parking lot behind a dive strip club. I am there to meet a famous actor either Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone. I walk in the back door and into an empty room. The walls are peeling and chairs are stacked against a wall. I go down a hall past a bathroom with a rust stained sink. A naked woman walks past me and the hall ends in a large room almost filled with guys sitting on more of the same ratty chairs. There doesn’t seem to be many dancers around. I walk past the actor that played Rocky’s manager. I don’t know if I’m supposed to talk to him or not.

Waiting

2007-06-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

I’m driving a U-haul truck with a bunch of stuff in the back. I’m not sure if I’m moving or camping, cause there is a tent set up in the back of the truck that I’ve been sleeping in. I get a call on my cell from Dave, I’m supposed to be at the airport to pick him up. I tell him I’m on the way. I’m parking outside of a regional airport, but I know that Dave is arriving at the Dallas International Airport. I picture him standing in the hot sun outside one of the terminals. Then I drive the truck out of a grassy field next to some woods and towards the road.

Flood

2007-05-29T09:40:00.005-07:00

A flood hits a warehouse where I’ve taken shelter with a group of random people. I end up washed away and floating. The water around me is pretty calm like a lake, but all I see in any direction is water. I float along without effort or worry, but wonder how I will survive. Just then I see a school of fish swimming toward me. I stick both arms down into the water and pull out a fish in each hand. They look like carp but are the color of goldfish. Each is a bit bigger than my entire hand. I’m not hungry, so I decide to save them for later. I don’t want then to get away, so I hold them out of the water until they die, then stuff them down my pants. That is when I realize that I’m just wearing a pair of swim trunks. I look behind me and see the warehouse sticking out of the water. I don’t see a door and I don’t try to paddle or swim towards the building. But I drift right up to an open window, I don’t know how many floors are under water. A man inside helps me up and into the window. Then I look back down at the water just in time to grab the round, yellow inflatable raft I assume I was just sitting on, even though I wasn’t aware of it until now. There are a few people inside, but lots of the group I was with are missing. I don’t know how many or what happened to them. The people that remain are in a large room with wood flooring like a school gym. I walk over to a woman standing by some filing cabinets against the far wall. She asks what happened and I pull out the fish and say, “I went out for lunch.”

The stars are out

2007-05-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

Watching a bad play or musical, I’m sitting about four rows back to the right of the stage. In the middle of a scene, the lead actor stops, breaks character and asks for a spotlight on the front of the audience. He introduces Britney Spears and some other guy. They are sitting in the second row and wave backwards to the crowd from their seats. A guy two rows behind them starts yelling, “Oh my God, it’s Britney!” over and over, even standing up and pointing. Finally Jason Biggs (from the American Pie movies) stands up, turns around and tells the guy to shut up. He is sitting two or three seats over from Britney. I wonder if he is in the same group and if he is upset that actor on stage didn’t point him out to the audience as well.

Not reality

2007-05-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting at a table in a living room taking apart a small electronic device. It is an alarm that I’m trying not to trigger. There is also a small tube shaped chip that I carefully pull out in order to remove some kind of data. My brother (even though I don’t have one in real life) watches over my shoulder nervous that Mom and Dad (or someone else) will come into the house. I safely remove the chip and head upstairs. In the upstairs hallway, a girl in her late teens or early twenties stops me. I don't know her but wonder if she is my sister that I don’t really have. But then she bends over a table against the wall and slowly slides her skirt up. She reaches her hand back to pull me to her and starts grinding against me.

Posted on the wall near the elevator of my old loft is a flyer that says, “Help restore the 47th floor.” I think that it sounds like a cool project, then I realize that the building only has ten floors.

Sprinkle

2007-05-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting in the corner of a large parking lot. There are people tailgating all across the lot behind me. I watch runners in a marathon jog past. The street is completely filled with all different kinds of people, some in great shape, some not. After awhile the crowd of runners changes slightly, they look less like runners and more like people walking into a sporting event. I see a few people carrying towels or blankets and one guy carrying a case of beer. I turn around to look behind and the parking lot has changed into a field. I look down at the grass and feel water falling on me. I look up and see a huge longhorn cow spraying water out of its nose. It keeps spraying water in arcing spurts, it seems like it is watering the grass and yellow wildflowers like a sprinkler.

Clubhouse

2007-05-22T06:49:00.000-07:00

Hanging out in an underground clubhouse. The lower floor is a giant hole dug into the ground and the upper floor is at ground level made from plywood walls. I walk up a staircase to a hallway of bedrooms. I walk into my room and see Brooke asleep in a plastic chair next to the bed. I wake her up to put in her bed and she tells me that some guy is already in my bed. I look and it’s Matt from the frat’s bike team. I don’t know how he got there or what do to with him. I talk to Brooke for a while and wake up later in bed with her. I don’t know what happened to Matt.
There is an old woman in a closet. I am looking for a postcard.
A woman sitting on the beach. She is in a bikini on a towel. She sends her friends away in the car.

Float

2007-05-21T12:11:00.000-07:00

I am walking through some woods and come across a long, narrow balloon like the type used to make balloon animals. It is green, but it is much bigger than normal. It is so big that I am able to weave it around my body by wrapping it around my leg, torso and arm. After I do so, I realize I am not wearing any clothes and I begin to float off the ground. I see something move past in the brush and move towards it. It is a person and I begin follow him. I see that he is holding a gun, some kind of rifle. I continue stalking him, using the tree trunks as cover. If I am afraid of being spotted, I drift a bit higher out of his line of slight. I see more people ahead and float higher, up to the level of the tree branches. I see a large group shooting at each other. I don’t hear any gunfire and realize that they are playing paintball. There seem to be at least two teams fighting, but I can’t tell who is on which side. I go higher to get a better view, until I am above the trees looking down on the action. I see a small group separated from the main battle by a group of trees. This small group of 3 or 4 starts shooting at me, but I am too high out of range. Their paintballs explode with colorful splats harmlessly in the air several feet below me.

Jerk, Ham, Fitness

2007-05-18T10:13:00.000-07:00

Walking through some kind of dorm. I see a guy that is my neighbor standing outside. I little dog runs up to me with a leash hanging out of his mouth. It is my neighbor’s poodle. I crouch down and pet and talk to him. I take the leash to take him for a walk. When I get inside, the neighbor yells at me for always messing with his stuff. He says something about he doesn’t know what I’m up to with the nice guy act. I think, “Hey, I’m just doing favors for my friends, what’s your problem?” So I throw the leash on the kitchen counter and leave.

Sitting in the back row of a theatre watching a scary play with Brooke. She slips out to go to the restroom just before an ugly, evil witch-type character appears on stage in flowing black and grey robes. I can’t tell if the character is male or female, it is just a purely evil being. It rises off the stage and flies above the audience. It howls and screeches something about taking over the body of someone. It rises almost up to the ceiling and suddenly dives straight down towards me. I am terrified until it lands head first in Brooke’s empty seat. It is stuck in the folded seat with it’s legs are sticking up in the air. It gets up and falls seated into the empty chair next to Brooke’s on the aisle. I laugh and it hisses at me to get out. I slide out past it acting terrified to play the audience for laughs. Then I cower in a corner next to the aisle by the doors to the theatre. I give out an exaggerated whimper and the crowd loves it.

In a store or gym filled with shelves and exercise equipment. There is a bank of TV monitors above a slanted wall with several movie titles/logos printed in columns. I use a system of ropes and pulleys controlled by my hands and feet to select which one plays on the TV screens.

Scooby Doo, where are you?

2007-05-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

A few people, including Brooke and I, are in a camper van that is parked. It rocks suddenly as if something big smashed into the side of it or as if it was caught in an earthquake. Then it starts driving forward, even though no one is at the wheel. It rolls down the street out of control and smashes into a telephone pole. Then we are driving through a neighborhood looking for a house that is haunted. I believe it is the ghosts that took over the van and crashed it.

Rude

2007-05-16T10:17:00.000-07:00

Sitting in a metal folding chair, reading a book when I’m supposed to be listening to someone.

Change

2007-05-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

A middle age, attractive woman is sitting in a richly decorated drawing room. It seems as though she is sitting on a set. She talks about the antique teacup she is drinking out of and then the rest of the set, calling the pieces by the name of the brand or designer. She is a former porn star doing a financial advice tv show.

Walking through a field in a boy scout camp. Under a large shade tree, two boys are playing with a stack of plastic funnels near a green garden hose. I am wearing a light brown scout shirt. I pick up one of the funnels the boys have dropped and use it to fill up a plastic canteen shaped like the army one I used to carry. When I’m done, I see Mr. Armbrust and go talk to him. He asks if I ever got an award for being a founding member of our troop. When I say no, he tells him about the troop now, how the new leader is a military man and how big the troop is now. He says, "its mess kits everywhere." I tell him that we started the troop because we didn’t like big troops like that, the ones that went camping in a school bus outfitted with portable generators.

Abandoned art

2007-05-11T09:20:00.000-07:00

Taking a tour inside a house with my cousins, Chrissy and Danny. There is an empty line for some kind of fun house, but we pass it and go into another room. We seem to be waiting there for the tour to continue or someone to come get us. Laying on the floor in the middle of the room is a broken clock made from a hubcap with large wire (almost rebar) sticking out of it, there are pool balls for numbers but a few are missing. Danny flips it over and I see the weld marks. There is also an outline of the state of Texas and a note with the name of whoever made it. I find some handmade posters behind a piece of furniture. I flip one over and there are dollar bills glued all over the back. I remove two of them, but they tear in pieces. I stop and debate if I should take them. I wonder if it is stealing and who they belong to. Danny says it not worth it for a dollar, but maybe if it was more. Then I remember that one of the bills was a ten. Someone tears another poster into pieces and uses them to make a new collage.

Worst citizens arrest ever

2007-05-09T09:26:00.000-07:00

Standing among a group of people in an academic or corporate lobby. Everyone is looking out the front of the building through the glass wall and doors. A drunk guy stumbles up and someone locks the door before he can get in. The crowd considers him a threat or at least trouble. Everyone seems glad he can’t cause us any trouble locked out. Then he grabs a young woman that is walking by and starts hitting on her and trying to grope her. I throw open the door and yell at him to stop. There is a sense of fear in the air, no one knows what the guy will do. I worry that he will hurt the girl or attack me. But instead he stops and looks berated or ashamed. I take him by the arm or scruff of his collar and led him inside. I continue projecting an air of authority as the crowd steps aside to let us pass. I lead him down a hall and into a room of jail cells. Although the walls of the cell don’t line up in squares, so they won’t actually contain anyone. You could just walk around the metal bars I put him into a cell where he sits on chair. He doesn’t try to get up of leave even though his cell only has one wall.

Delete this message

2007-05-08T09:50:00.000-07:00

I check my email and see a message from Mary. As I click to open the email, I assume that it is feedback from my job interview. But instead it is an update on her business plan with a list of other agencies that she is in talks with about a merger or buy-out. The agency I used to work at is on the list. And I think how easy I’d have it if that deal went through.

The big game

2007-05-07T08:07:00.000-07:00

I am walking through a town that is deserted. I see handwritten signs posted in the doors of local businesses. Everyone has gone out of town for the game. I assume I am in Austin during the weekend of the UT vs. OU game in Dallas.

Looking

2007-05-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

Walking through the hallways of a stadium with Dad and a random group of my friends. We pass through concrete tunnels, up stairs and past rows of seats. The whole time I am looking at the ground, searching for anything of value or interesting that someone may have dropped. We walk out of the stadium through an open air plaza and head down to a dock. We board a boat with rows of wooden bench seats for a tour.

Worst dive ever

2007-05-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

Drive into the parking lot of an empty strip mall that is being turned into several different bars. Some are closed for remodeling and some are already open. I walk into a strip club that looks like a normal dive bar. I don’t see any stages or poles. But there are plastic bags the size of paper grocery bags sitting on the bar and a few tables. The Hooters logo is on the side of the bags, the bar must have a partnership to serve food from a Hooters next door. I order a beer at the bar and it takes awhile. I give the bartender a $5 and $1 and wait for change. A guy walking by spills his beer all over the green sweater I am wearing. I grab some napkins to dry it off. As I am rubbing the napkins on the front of the sweater, holes tear in the fabric. I go into the bathroom, check the mirror and straighten up a bit. Then I go play poker at a green felt table in another part of the bar. I finally realize that this strip club doesn’t seem to have any girls walking around.

Spy games

2007-04-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

A Nazi spy is riding a motorcycle up a mountain path. I am chasing him on the same style of dirt bike. The mountain is dry and rocky, as if in a western desert. The spy makes sharp turns and I follow him across impossibly high jumps from cliff to cliff. He jumps an outcropping of rock and reaches the bottom of the mountain. He disappears behind a rise and takes off in a VW bug that has been tricked out as a dune buggy. It is rusted orange with the red, gray and black nazi swastika painted in the door. I am suddenly in a dune buggy myself and continue the chase across the rocks and sand. Just as suddenly, I am a young boy on a bicycle and so is the spy. As I follow him, he stops in the middle of the dirt path. I slow down, but bump into him. I yell at him for almost causing an accident, then I continue on as if I have not been following him. He starts riding again and quickly catches up to me. To try and fool him into leading me to his destination, I act as if I am pissed about the wreck he almost caused and cut him off to keep him from passing me. I speed up and sneer back at him to challenge him to a race. He takes the bait and struggles to pass me. I pedal harder and harder to stay ahead, then let him get just ahead of me. He darts ahead as he verves off the road and up to a house. He laughs as I coast past, thinking that he has outdone me in the race, but I have outsmarted the spy.

Watch out!

2007-04-20T09:13:00.000-07:00

Trying to buy a ticket to a concert on a cruise on a paddleboat. Not sure if I’m going to be able to make it because of the steamroller.

Fernt at Disney

2007-04-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

I’m looking a series of pictures of Blair on fernt.com. The first is the usual shot of him wearing the fernt shirt with some random celebrity. But the next few shots are with some hot chick with short, brown hair. Then I click on something and watch a video. It is random clips of me with the guys from jersey at Disney and other clips of other people I know from Disney (like my old roommates Joel and Ryan). The video is totally random. There is stuff in the parks, at the Vista Way apartment complex and random bars or parties. I don’t recognize any of the footage, but I am laughing out loud watching it. One scene is Joel, Ryan, me and three other guys all holding a pair of tennis shoes in our hand and waving them around the room in a choreographed routine that makes it look like these 12 flying shoes are walking in unison.

Race

2007-04-17T14:47:00.000-07:00

Several cars are lined up to start a race. Members of my family are driving. Dad is managing the start and is signaling the cars when to begin. But instead of everybody starting at once, Dad signals me to pull up to the start line and begin before the other cars. But I can’t pull straight up to the line, because other cars are in the way. I need to turn around, so I drive out into a wide circle. But I still can’t make it straight up to the line. I try turning around a few more time. I need to spin out the tires, so the car makes a tighter turn, but I don’t want to drive recklessly in front of my parents. Eventually, I make the tight turn, kicking up gravel in the process. Dad signals and I start the race. I don’t know if other cars will follow or if it is a time trial. I take off at the start down a dirt road. I have to swerve around random kids and a few adults. Some just stand there in panic, others jump out of the way. I am amazed that I didn’t hit anyone, but I don’t slow down. It’s like I’m driving with heightened reaction times. I drive into a house, but I don’t crash into it. It is just part of the race that happens to go through a few rooms of a house. I have to stop partway through and get out and clean up a room. I sweep as fast as possible as if it is all part of the race. Then I continue driving back outside. There is no transition between driving inside or outside, the scenery just suddenly changed.
For some reason, I have to send Mom to Australia.

Fine dining

2007-04-15T13:02:00.000-07:00

Eating in a restaurant with white tablecloths. I talk to the waitress as if I used to work there.

Property

2007-04-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

There is a party at a house. I own the house, but don’t recognize it. I walk past a bedroom with the door slightly open and see a couple making out. As I walk away, they start fucking. I find my girlfriend and want to take her to another bedroom. But when we get there, two young couples are having sex on two beds in the room. I consider joining in, but don’t want to interrupt. In another room, we see an older couple that is getting dressed after making love. To get them to leave the room, I ask them if want to soak in the hot tub. The husband says that they don’t swing. I wonder what they’re doing at the party anyway and decide not to sell them the barn near their property.

Worst action movie ever

2007-04-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

I’m driving a large truck through a construction site that seems to go on for several blocks alongside an office building. I am driving over boards, pipes, dirt and scaffolding. At some points, these materials form an unstable track or bridge over ditches or large holes. I’m nervous but keep driving straight ahead. Then the truck starts to slide off a bridge. I jump out of the cab and grab the truck like Superman to throw it across. But just a large strip of metal (that looks like a cross between a transmission and a bumper) lands on the sidewalk on the other side. It skids to a stop on the concrete with sparks flying. Two women in business dress dart scared out of the way. I say “Sorry about that.”
A plane crashes and somehow amid the wreckage a truck full of explosives ends up sitting on the roof of a warehouse or office park. But nobody knows that it is there because the government has sealed off the area. I saw it, but can’t prove it. There is charred cement and yellow police tape in several areas around town. I meet up with a kid and try to get up to the roof of his building across the street. But his dad stops us in the lobby to talk. He is wearing a high-ranking military uniform. Then I am strolling through a park of green grass and trees, but suddenly I walk onto a beach right in the middle of the park. Laying in the sun on her side is Britney Spears. She is naked but covered in sand clinging to her wet skin. I lick my finger and wipe the sand off one of her nipples. She starts to get up and yells, “I hope that was worth it!” I say, “Hey, sorry” and run off. Then I am walking on a paved path through the grass towards her again. She is standing and now wearing shorts and a cropped t-shirt. I don’t know if her eyes were closed or if she didn’t turn around in time to see me, but she does not act upset to see me. Instead, she asks me if I have seen the kid. I wonder if she thinks he did it. But just then, the boy and his father walk into the park. She is happy to see them.
I am walking through an empty stadium. The field is covered in mud. I step down off of a ramp and into wet. Thick mud. I trudge through it, trying to step carefully at first. As I make my way across the mud and grab onto a railing on the other side to pull myself up a short wall on the other side, I think that the people down here must have a much better time than the one watching from the sky boxes up above.

No offense

2007-04-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

At a party, everyone there assumes I’m gay. Someone makes an off-hand comment about homosexuals and a straight guy winks at me as if to say, “don’t take offense.”

Snow gun fight

2007-04-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

In hotel with guys. There is stuff in the room. I fake a fight to leave. Everyone is pointing guns in the snow. Bags are packed, but I can’t leave with them without the others seeing. I realize how much stuff I’m leaving behind. There is a plate of Christmas cookies in a cabinet. I get a trash bag to fill with the suitcase and stuff in jacket. I think about asking the hotel staff to hold my stuff and I’ll drive back to get it next weekend.

Snow drive

2007-04-06T09:45:00.000-07:00

Driving through a suburban neighborhood that is covered in snow. The car skids at every turn or whenever I touch the brakes. I see other cars spin off the road. Then my car starts spinning in complete circles. I stay on the road and straighten back out. This keeps happening again and again. I feel like I’m still in control, as if I can steer which way the spins take me. But I get hopelessly lost. I can’t find the street that the house I’m looking for is on. A car is behind me, I can’t tell if he’s following me. I think it might be a cop. After awhile I pull into a driveway to lose him. I pull in past the house and see that it was an SUV behind me and that it turned into the driveway before the one I did. I drive into the yard behind the house and consider driving right through to the house behind it. But can’t tell if there’s a ditch between the two yards. So turn around in the yard and drive back out the driveway. I see the guy from the SUV walking up to the house next door. I wave and he smiles and waves back. As he climbs the steps to a large porch/deck at the front of the house, I see he is on a cell phone. I want to ask for directions, but don’t want to interrupt him. As I drive off, I can hear what he is saying even though I shouldn’t be able to because the car windows are up. But I can hear him and he is calling the police. He tells them that he doesn’t know if the neighbor’s are home and that I must be some kind of identity thief. I think he sounds nuts and hope the cops do too. I don’t think he is giving them a description of my car, but I try to drive away as safely and quickly as possible.

Bullies

2007-04-05T12:23:00.000-07:00

I’m walking through a field and Brian Steinberger comes at me with a bat. He doesn’t hit me but he smashes the wooden latticework that I’m carrying. We fight and then I run back towards his bike. I’m going to smash it, but he yells at me not to. I yell back that he has to give me cash for my fence. He says 30 bucks and throws some bills at me. I grab and look at them and one of them is a 50 dollar bill. So I take off running before he can come after me. I run around a house that is under construction and towards a strip mall.

Rough flight & Amusement Parks

2007-04-03T09:39:00.000-07:00

Flying with mom over a changing terrain. There are dry, rocky barren areas, then wooded hills and then grassy fields. The hot air balloon drifts over a rocky, small hill and there is a straight drop-off on the other side. Mom quickly descends and the balloon drops, crashing through the trees below. I am surprised that the balloon doesn’t tear on any of the branches. But we clear the trees below and begin flying over a more grassy area. We see Jerry Copas standing below us and yell down to him.

Driving my old red Blazer out of an amusement park and have to drive along a water slide route. The Blazer plows through the water with ease, but bounces back and forth between the rails like the “antique” car ride at King’s Island. The track I am on has several drops and sharp turn and different routes I could take. Several of the paths that I have to take look way too narrow for the truck, but I make it through no problem.

I am walking around an amusement park and assume I will run into Andy Minteer. Eventually, I do. Minteer is with another fraternity brother, Jason Hollar. And we gather together with a few other random people to pose for a picture. Then I notice that Ashley Montrie from high school is taking the picture. Then I realize that I am wearing the white robe that Brooke gave me with nothing underneath. I turn around and bump into Melissa from my old neighbor that also went to high school with me. Hollar and another guy that posed for pictures are also wearing bathrobes now, and they comment that mine is much nicer. They act like they are going to flash people, but they are wearing clothes under their robes.

Shitroll

2007-04-02T14:02:00.000-07:00

Using a one-person bathroom in a movie theater or restaurant. I finish and reach for the toilet paper to wipe. But there is already shit on the paper. I drop it and pull more paper off the roll. But it is also covered in thick, wet shit. I drop it again and check the roll. The rest of the roll looks clean and normal. But when I unroll more paper, the underside of it is completely covered like a mudslide. Now a man bangs on the door and yells hurry up in there. I yell back “just a minute” and then “someone made a real mess in here.” I try to scoop the pile of shit and paper up, but realize that it will just clog the toilet if I try to stuff it all in there.

Cocktail hour

2007-03-30T11:07:00.000-07:00

At the pool of a beach resort and a guy asks me to gather people together to go play a game inside. The pool is surrounded by several two story buildings. I end up walking into a hotel room that looks more like an apartment. Danny is there, but I don’t know if it is our place, just his or mine. He says that we’re all going out to a bar later. I walk over to another building to go to Sharon’s room. Nica is walking up to the door from the other end of the hall just as I get there. We walk in and another girl and guy are standing at the counter of the island in the kitchen. I pour a drink and we talk while waiting for Sharon.

Fears

2007-03-29T10:34:00.000-07:00

Woman with kids sitting in the kitchen of a house. Through the screen porch, she sees a man approach. He has come to kill them. She tells two of the boys to stand in the pantry closet and not to come out. Then she sits at the table with the third boy. The man enters followed by his little girl. The girl sits at the table and the woman tries to act like nothing is wrong. She asks the girl if she wants to play. One of the boys in the pantry jumps out and yells that he wants to play too. The woman realizes that they are all going to die.

Hiking through a thickly wooded area, I am tracking some kind of monkey creatures. Night falls and I sleep on the forest floor. The noise of something running past wakes me up and I see the silhouette of a small monkey man race past in the moonlight. I lay back down and as I drift off, I feel one of them skitter across my back and run off. I dart up but don’t see anything. I try to fall back asleep and hear a distant whisper, “bite its neck.” I feel a sharp, tiny prick on the back of my neck and jump awake in a cold sweat.

Looking at pictures of rings in a catalogue. I have already proposed to Brooke. I’m trying to remember if I already bought the ring or if I can have Julian’s dad make it for me.

Rendezvous

2007-03-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

I’m driving again through a small town and see Dave’s Dad and his brother Mark. They are also headed to meet Dave and go camping. I say I’ll see them there and then drive to another house. I walk into a bedroom and then Julie comes out of the attached bathroom. She covers herself by holding a towel across her chest as she gets clothes out of a dresser. She is surprised to see me. But then she lies on the bed and I lean above her supporting my weight with my arms held straight on the bed. When she stands up, she is wearing a robe that falls open. Then she kisses me. She lets the robe fall and sits on a couch. She looks up at me standing in front of her. I realize the bedroom door is open. I reach over to swing it closed because Dave’s dad and brother should be in another room. The door doesn’t close all the way, it is still a crack open. But I don’t care and step towards Julie. She leans forward.

old furniture

2007-03-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

I drive to an old house with a large weed choked yard and a gravel driveway. Ray is inside and the place is filled with old furniture from the 70s. Some of it is ugly wood stuff with crochet blankets and pillows, but some is really cool plastic stuff. As we’re talking, he walks outside then drives off in the Bronco I’m driving. I don’t know where is he going or if he’s coming back. I go back inside and look in another room at the living room furniture. Ray comes running back in with my black, rolling suitcase, he has stuck a large sticker to the top. It looks like a work order with my name printed on it.

Pit Stop

2007-03-23T14:44:00.000-07:00

I pull over at a rest area along a country road. There are picnic tables and a trail leading through some woods running parallel to the road. I fall along the trail looking for the bathrooms and realize there are none. As I decide to piss behind a tree, a man comes down the trail, so I walk back to my car instead.

Can't reason with a Nazi

2007-03-22T09:09:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting at a large conference table facing a room full of men in Nazi uniforms. Several other men in regular clothes (suits?) sit on either side of me at the table also facing out to the crowd of Nazis. We are witnesses in some kind of hearing or maybe we are on trial. The proceedings are called to order and the entire room stands and raises one hand in the nazi salute with a shout of “Seig Hiel!” Myself and the men next to me remain seated but also salute, except we do not speak immediately after raising our arm. We shoot out our hand (still outstretched flat) from under the table in front of our laps. A nazi in the front row asks a question about Christianity and a man two places to my right begins to answer. I feel he is missing some point, so I interrupt to say that the blood and bread are called the sacraments. The entire crowd reacts offended and very upset by my statement. I wonder why I must defend Jesus Christ to these people and how can I explain tolerance?

Haz Mat Girls

2007-03-20T09:54:00.000-07:00

I’m standing in a public restroom and Adam Langston has climbed onto a sink to reach behind a ceiling tile at the edge of the wall. He is trying to find something hidden in the ceiling or the wall. I go to the door to leave or keep watch. When I open the door, I see three people in white hazardous waste suits coming toward me. To warn Adam, I loudly say something like “It really smells in there, I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.” I walk away hoping that they don’t grab Adam or whatever he was looking for. Then I decide to go back and see if he’s ok. When I enter the restroom again, Adam is gone and three girls are standing in the room. One of them has just climbed out of a ceiling tile near the door (at the other side of the room of the room from where Adam was). I assume that they were wearing the haz-mat suits and that the ceiling tile leads to a secret passageway. I don’t know if Adam left willingly or found what he was after. One of the girls is wearing a pink top and looks very cute. The two have great bodies but something is off about their faces. I’m not sure if they know I’m somehow involved. When I try talking to them, I don’t get anywhere.

Reading Playboy at a long conference type table and a naked woman is laying on the table in front of me. She is gyrating her body and pressing her breasts into some type of powder or sand that clings to her skin. I look up at her then keep reading. I wonder why either of us is there.

What About Zissou?

2007-03-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

Sailing on a large boat with a guy that looks and acts a bit like Bill Murray. He has two beautiful women in bikinis with him, one always on each arm. Another much older man is onboard and seems to be the guy’s flunky. We hit rough seas and the boat capsizes. I don’t have a life vest, so I swim towards the other people in the water. They are floating in a human chain bobbing up and down across the pounding waves. I struggle to reach them and as I stretch out my hand, the girls suddenly disappear. A life jacket that I assume belonged to one of them floats into me. I grab it under one arm as the guy extends his hand to me. I can barely reach him, but my fingertips grip his. We pull ourselves closer together and hang on. I look up to see the boat upright but being pushed by the tide towards shore. It seems odd to me that it’s such a sunny day. The boat races wildly ahead and crashes into a crowded pier. People run in a mob away from the boat as it runs aground. Next thing I know, we’re walking under an overpass near the water. A beat up, old sedan is parked by one of the concrete columns of the bridge. The guy approaches it to get behind the wheel. I go around to the passenger side but don’t open the door. I stop because through the open passenger window I see the dead body of the flunky buckled into the front seat.

audition upskirt

2007-03-16T10:32:00.000-07:00

At an audition, standing in a hallway that feels like it belongs in a pediatrician’s office. I’m talking to another guy in line about the parts. We’re friendly but I don’t know him. He gets called into an office and before I have time to turn around, my name is called also. It sounds just above a whisper coming from inside the office. I walk in and a woman is seated behind a big, ornate wood desk with her back to me. There are two rows of 2 or 3 chairs in front of the desk and I bump into one as I step to sit down in the one closest to the desk. At this moment, the woman spins her chair around to face me. She suppresses a laugh as she motions for me to sit in another chair at the side of the desk. As I sit down, I realize that I am not wearing a shirt.

I walk out of a building and check out two girls standing on the sidewalk next to a car. One of them bends into the open car door to get something off the front seat. Her mini-skirt slides up her ass revealing blue panties.

water, water everywhere

2007-03-15T09:26:00.000-07:00

I’m standing on the shore of a flooded river, I see fish swimming everywhere. Then a giant fish, bigger and longer than a man is swimming in weaving circles near the opposite shore. I wade or fall into the water. And the giant fish comes after me. I keep spinning away but it keeps twisting back at me.
Walking along a flooded creek, below an overpass bridge I see a truck tire and rim floating by with a band saw sitting on top. I want to salvage stuff stuck in the muddy bank and floating past. So I step across a high hill in the middle of an island in the steam and sink into a bog of mud up past my knee. I step out of the muck and down the hill to the edge of the creek where the floating tire has come to rest against the shore. Jan is walking nearby.

School zone / War zone

2007-03-14T15:08:00.000-07:00

Mom, Stacy and I are riding bikes and I lead them from the lower to upper parking lots of Crosby Middle School (although it looks more like Eastern High School but actually not like either) We ride past a chain link fence and walk into a huge, two level store crammed with all kinds of junk and clothes. It is run by a Korean man. I find a dark denim hat that looks like the Levi one I had as a kid, but this one fits me. I also see a pile of lighter denim ones like the other one I have. I put on a dark one but the brim is torn. I ask the man to find me one that isn’t ripped. The store starts to fall apart as if it is being bombed or hit by a natural disaster. I leave before finding another hat.
I walk to the car but can’t get in, then I realize that the car is actually parked in front of the one I’m standing at. Neither of the cars are models we’ve ever owned. And everything is now covered in snow. Mom and Stacy are already in the front seat about to drive off. I look around for our bikes but assume they are buried in the snow or maybe they put them in the trunk.

College hoops

2007-03-13T07:17:00.000-07:00

Sitting in a crowded classroom. There is a male teacher lecturing at the front but behind him above the chalkboard is a regulation basketball hoop on a pole. I’m sitting towards the front to the right. Mom is sitting on the aisle at the back and Stacy is sitting in the middle on the other side of the room. The teacher throws me a basketball. I try to shoot it through the hoop, but my shot falls pathetically short. I says something like, “if that’s not embarrassing enough, my mom is in this class.” which gets a big laugh.

Get your music to the people

2007-03-12T07:40:00.000-07:00

Some band keeps singing a song I have never heard. The male lead singer is trying to get me to help him blow up on MySpace.

The greatest of eaze

2007-03-09T15:41:00.000-08:00

Walking through a strange city and go into a bar with rows of seats facing one wall. A dance/trapeze act is going on overhead. The shadows of the performers are projected on the wall. I lay across several seats in an empty row and curl up to sleep. Then on the shadow of a woman swinging between two guys, there are two beams of light where her eyes would be. I can see facial features on the shadow and it looks like her eyes are glowing white. Then all the shadows change to illustrations of the act. The style changes from realistic to cartoon and back again.

Dinner crasher

2007-03-08T15:18:00.000-08:00

Brooke and I run into Jordan and his wife at a store or in a mall. We chit chat and tell them we’re on our way to dinner at some restaurant. Brooke and I get sidetracked with another errand and gets to the restaurant later. There is a line of people waiting to put their names in for a table. Jordan and his wife are in the front of the line at the hostess stand. I slide up and say to the hostess, “make that a table for four.”

Tourist

2007-03-08T15:13:00.000-08:00

I’m in a shop that sells a lot of coral necklaces.

Trap

2007-03-07T07:57:00.000-08:00

I’m exploring along a creek and grab a rope hanging off the edge of a high ledge. There is a bundle tied to the end. When I take hold of the rope, I either start climbing it or it starts pulling me up. It pulls me past the ledge and into the sky. I try gathering up loops of slack thinking I can it to lasso something to save myself or break the fall when I drop. But I never fall, the rope pulls me into space and into the belly of a space station. A woman sits at a large control panel on a shining metal platform above me. She leans over a rail to talk to me. She says something about the mouse that has bitten the cheese. I see an actual mouse scurry up the rope and think the bundle must be full of cheese.

Kidnapping & Trespassing

2007-03-06T14:11:00.000-08:00

A man has kidnapped me and a large group of other boys. I think we are all in the same boy scout troop. He keeps us in his house and treats us like his sons. But we can’t leave. There’s nothing physical stopping any one of us from sneaking away, but we know we cannot. His wife makes a big dinner and talks about going to church. I think that when I leave for school I will write a letter explaining what has happened and take it to the dean. I wonder why I couldn’t just go and tell someone, but writing it down seems better.

Sneak into a movie theater with three other guys, wander around looking for a movie worth seeing and get thrown out when the projection room tries to play Predator off of Fred’s iPod and it doesn’t work.

Grand theft auto

2007-03-05T07:36:00.000-08:00

Walking along a road between several soccer fields and I steal a car parked off the road in the grass. I think it is a old Mercedes. Somehow I wind up parked in the driveway of the car owner. And his wife or mother comes out and assumes that the guy sent him over in his car to pick stuff up for his daughter. There are two young kids around as she loads a tennis racket and ski gear into the passenger seat. I debate if I should drive off and just steal this stuff, drive the car back to where I got it or just leave right now.

Hunting in the snow

2007-03-02T12:43:00.000-08:00

Two teams are in a scavenger hunt taking place in the snow covered front lawn of a house. The object is to find several blue plastic pieces and other clues or prize hidden in the yard or buried in the snow. There is a winter stocking cap pulled over what looks like a rock. I think to grab it but don’t. A guy on the other team picks it up revealing a big rubber ball underneath with $5000 painted on it. I think it would have been nice to win that prize. Then I find several blue plastic beach toys buried in the snow in a row along a white picket fence. There is a little shovel and a longer rake. A little boy pokes in the snow nearby.

Stay off the road

2007-02-28T11:36:00.000-08:00

Driving with a guy a don’t know, as he pulls into an intersection I see a car coming through the driver side window that is about to hit us. I yell “Watch out, we’re going to get hit!” but he doesn’t react. The car T-bones us, but we keep driving as if another car just didn’t plow into us.

I drop something or am looking for something along a curb and underneath a parked SUV I find two red Netflix envelopes with a DVD inside. Each has someone else’s name and address on the front.

Office Space

2007-02-27T15:56:00.000-08:00

In a dull corporate office. I give a mouse sized character like a little man a memo to deliver but I also tell him that it’s ok if he needs to stop along the way to shoot up and I also hand him some kind of tube. Later, I find the tube empty and the memo wadded up on a window ledge. I think that I’m going to get in trouble if that message doesn’t get delivered. An older woman picks up the paper but instead of handing it to me, she throws it in trash. I think that I shouldn’t stoop to her level by bumping into her. But I do. As I reach into the trash and stand up again, I knock her in the head with my elbow and make a big deal out of apologizing, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Then another older woman starts berating me. They both have white hair. Finally after listening to them go on for a while, I yell, “What do you have against me?!” And they both start nagging with a long list of grievances, something about not moving her desk over a few inches towards the filing cabinet.

Painted field

2007-02-25T14:12:00.000-08:00

Julie and Leslie from high school are sunbathing on beach towels in the middle of a grassy field. I am moving paint and art supplies from the barn into the field.

Embarrassment

2007-02-21T15:38:00.000-08:00

Walking through a small European town looking at all the crowded bars about one per block. One has an older crowd sitting on open air patio. One looks like an old world pub.
Camping in a remote wilderness. Dad finds a pair of my white jockey underwear hanging in a tree. He makes a joke of presenting them at the end of a big story in front of everyone when we get back.

Adventures

2007-02-16T10:01:00.000-08:00

I’m judging the Miss (something random I can’t remember) Pageant and I have all the contestants join me to fight crime and solve a mystery.

Riding in the back of the Funke’s van back from a trip. I’m making out with a girl and although she’s hesitant to go further, we end up doing it parked in the driveway.

On stage with a southern rock/heavy metal type band. I am playing (pretending to play) an electric guitar that doesn’t have any strings. I’m jumping around, really trying to put on a show. BL is also on stage dancing. It is a huge show with a full band playing in front of a big stage show. There is a row of half naked back up dancers topless and wearing lingerie and there are also 2 or 3 couples of girls getting it on in beds on stage. In each couple, one girl straddles the other girl’s face while the girl lying down masturbates in rhythm to the music.

On a big wooden sailing shirt that crashes. I dive to the bottom looking to salvage material, but the wreckage is in bits. I just see tiny pieces of broken cds and shards of wood and other debris on the bottom.

Paparazzi

2007-02-15T14:16:00.000-08:00

At a club, I’m given a camera to join a throng of photographers with camera flashbulbs popping taking pictures around Howard Stern. I jostle through the crowd trying to take good shots from interesting angles, but not necessarily of him. I walk to another room, a woman calls me over, which surprises me and the telephoto lens on my camera flies off and bounces onto the plush chair next to the one she’s sitting in. I sit down, trying to play it off. She ignores it or doesn’t notice. She is gorgeous and wearing a short skirt. She asks me where Jimmy Buffett is playing tonight. I say The Hideaway since I think that’s where he played last night. I make a self-deprecating comment that I should be so lucky and she says, actually I want you to ask me out.

Sex, Boat & Train

2007-02-14T13:13:00.000-08:00

She is pinned up against the headboard. I’m on my knees with her legs over my shoulders.
I’m on a larger sailboat docked at a bar/restaurant and it’s taking on water. Langston and I are bailing but someone is standing on the dock with a waitress in a bar t-shirt. And we have to take this person across to the other side. It’s either a small river or lake with the private docks of houses and other bars all around. We try to sail the guy across but I can’t tell if the motor is working.

I see someone running across a parking lot and into a train engine. It is big and modern but still has a steam engine and stove to shovel coal into. I am in the cab of the train now instead. I look through a tall series of shelves looking for the cash box to steal. One drawer is full of electrical switches. The next one down contains value joint connectors for some mechanical function of the train. The third drawer I open is full of dimes and pennies. I debate whether it is worth grabbing as many as I can.

Go Cards

2007-02-13T13:23:00.000-08:00

Going to a University of Louisville basketball game. I step up to the sink in a men’s room of the stadium and in the mirror I see that someone has scratched the word “Kentucky” into my forehead. The word is formed in blocky letters in while lines like a scratch or scar. There is no blood. I brush my bangs down with my hand to cover is up. Then I find out that another guy I was with has the word “Louisville” craved into his forehead the same way. I wonder if he was sleeping next to me and whoever did it was writing out the city and state side by side.

Those Meddling Kids

2007-02-13T13:15:00.000-08:00

I’m in a bedroom with a small group of girls, we are trying to figure out who did it as if we were Scooby Doo and the gang in the mystery machine. The girls are picking up lingerie outfits with matching pieces. Each one is in red and black. The girls think that the woman who owns these is the culprit.

Adventure

2007-02-12T12:12:00.000-08:00

I’ve been stranded in the ocean but swim to safety at a rocky shore.
I’m laying in bed naked watching a TV on a dressed against the wall across from the foot of the bed. I’m under the covers but laying perpendicular not parallel to the way the bed faces. It looks like a hotel, but more lived in. Stacy walks in and asks why I’m laying in bed.
I’m wearing cold weather gear bundled up on an expedition.

Chair

2007-02-09T07:28:00.000-08:00

I’m driving through countryside and see a blue chair identical to mine sitting on the side of a hill in the middle of a field. I want to stop and get it.

Charity Fire

2007-02-08T07:23:00.000-08:00

I drop off a box of clothes at a charity drop box on the side of a road next to a field. I remove from the charity pile a shower curtain with polka dots and two shopping bags from Disney World’s 20th anniversary. I throw the stuff in the car, jump in and quickly back the car up and whip the wheel around. As the car quickly turns, a wheel slips and the car ends up stuck in a ditch.

In a school, I see a guy messing with a fire alarm on the first floor. Then I am on the third floor and decide to try and find the principal to say that I set off the false alarm. But when I get back downstairs, there is a fire in the bathroom near where I saw the guy. The bathroom door is in the same hall but around a corner still in my line of sight from the stairs. I see smoke curling out and flames inside against the tiled walls.

dirty claw grass horse

2007-02-07T11:34:00.000-08:00

Walking through the back of a school cafeteria. There’s dirty kitchen equipment everywhere. I see writing on the metal wall of a walk-in cooler. I can’t tell if it is written with something or just smeared in the grime. Below the writing is a splatter of drops of something. Above them it says something about Getting some right here. A formal looking woman walks down the hall just as an announcement is made over the PA system to announce the arrival of the health inspector.

I’m playing the claw game in a restaurant trying to win a stuffed animal. But instead the claw grabs a few candy bars. I set them on a table and there are 3 Kitt Katt bars. Someone calls me to leave, so I stuff them in my mouth.

In grandfather’s backyard, but it’s not actually his real yard. There are three huge plastic things on the lawn. They are tubular and bent into odd curving shapes. There are three of them but I was only expecting one. They are filled with fruit juice. I read a book on the lawn for awhile then go inside. Dad is inside and has been looking for me, but he couldn’t see me out the window because the Blazer was blocking his view of where I was laying on the grass.

A guy buys a horse and brings it home. His girl and the man that owns his property tell him that the horse is worthless and dispute everything that the guy says he was told about the horse.

Stripper

2007-02-06T06:52:00.000-08:00

Taking a trip or vacation somewhere, maybe with my family. Dave comes in and we’re supposed to get a ride home with Sean, but he ends up not coming in for additional ten days. Dave and I wind up going to a strip club. On the wall are a series of paintings of my Dad as a young man and me as a kid and each painting is dated by year, month, day and time down to the second. They are signed “Thompson.” So we’re sitting at this strip club, but instead of the girls on stage taking off their clothes, I take off mine, so I’m sitting at the table naked. I suddenly realize this is odd, so I pull my pants back on. Then a dancer comes over to ask for a dance. Dave gives her ten bucks, so she gives me a dance. She takes me to another part of the club and I set on a couch. As she gives me a lap dance, I close my eyes. All of a sudden she stops. We get up and start to walk back, but I’m naked again now. I know I don’t have ten dollars in my wallet to tip her. So I ask her who did the paintings and she says, “Oh I hate those I have to look at them everyday.” I say they’re of me and my Dad, which just creeps her out.